DISQUS

Velinda Miller · 3 months ago

BougieCousin, I am loving this week's post and guest, birds of a feather flock together, and your guest make me think and laugh just as much as you do. Ojo, has me ready to laugh until I cry, he is hilarious. SBM, simply put LOL. TMCY, I so agree with you brother, without trust there is no relationship. I have trust issues with my husband, but because he is my husband and because of my beliefs we are trying to work it out, but to be honest I am praying he doesn't burn me in the end.Trust is such a hard thing to get back and once it is broken, it is broken,the scar stays no matter what you do.

To both the sisters that wrote in I say that if you aren't married and you can't trust him, cut your loses now and move in, your prince charming is in the wings, but remember no one is perfect and no relationship is without its flaws, but minor imperfections are ok, great big gaping ones are something to run from. The one sister is married, so I will say this, you don't have to stay in a marriage if someone is cheating, if you can build the courage to ask and have even more courage to forgive and work through it, then you do what is best for you to do.

(why can't I ever just have 1-5 sentence comments like others? I am such a dork, lol.) 8-)

Bailey Quincy · 3 months ago

Oh Lord! Where do you find these folks.. the washcloth test? NO HE DIDN'T!  And did you reference Brokeback up and through BougieLand?! LOL, OneChele and TMCY gave the advice I would have given. Both of their men sound suspect. Run ladies!

Kayla · 3 months ago

I don't know which direction to call out first, too much trying not to spit my coffee all over the place... I'm supposed to be WORKING! Ojo with the alcohol and chicken wings! SBM with the ninja breathing or you with the CSI. You all came from different places but ended up saying the same things. No trust= no relationship.

LacyLady · 3 months ago

OneChele, I've been lurking for a while but I had to spit up! I quit you! LMAO! Ya'll are too funny. Looky, Thomas is gay and Jerry is his gale boyfriend. Tanya is his beard... done. Raine's man been cheating on her forever and he is at it again. done.

ManonthatHustle · 3 months ago

BWAHAHA - SBM got it with that washcloth test, O.C. too, if ninja doesn't bark back - WTF, suspect!

OnlyMe · 3 months ago

Ya'll went to CHUCH! Only thing I don't agree with is SBM telling Raine she may "push him back to cheating" Naw homie, a man cheats cuz he wants to, don't put that on her.

SBChitownChick · 3 months ago

Raine - NO! Not with the cell phone logs and nonsense. You already know what's up. Not sure I agree with TMCY that your actions are the wrong one but they are extreme. Tanya - uh uh girl. AIDS, hello? Move on.

DatdudeinCali · 3 months ago

Ya'll ladies and your gay hunt. Oprah did one too many shows on the DL and now every brother rocking a pink polo is suspect. Maybe old boy don't like ya ass no more and is easing his way out. Maybe he got him a chick on the side and Jerry is covering for him like a wingman should? Maybe he's breaking you off the weak chex cuz he's saving it for his new chick - this don't make him a pillow-biter. just sayin

SpitGameSpeakTruth · 3 months ago

Let me back up my boy here and ask the females a question. Is it better or worse for your man to cheat on you with a man or a woman? Seems to be additional outrage if your man might be cheating AND gay.

Troy · 3 months ago

Can't agree witcha Only - sometimes a woman's actions can definitely nudge a man in that direction

AngelaM · 3 months ago

Hold UP! Does a woman push a man down on top the other chick too? Dang! How you make this creepin', cheatin', money hiding man HER fault?

AngelaM · 3 months ago

Yes, it's worse if he's gay because now not only is he unfaithful but he's lying about who is and possible endangering his partner. BTW, it wasn't a pink polo she was worrying about... where a man is sleeping (and with who) is something a wife deserves to know, right?

Troy · 3 months ago

I'm not saying a woman makes him do it, I'm saying if the idea is there and he's not getting what he wants at home or the woman is beefing with him at home, he's going to go ahead and make that decision

AngelaM · 3 months ago

MAN excuse #2009 - I'm not happy at home. As OneChele says - BULLSHIGGITY!

Troy · 3 months ago

Keep worrying about the excuses instead of putting in work and you will find your man GONE!

MochaDudeSpeaks · 3 months ago

GAME. SET. MATCH.

Kiki · 3 months ago

So it's a woman's fault that a man is a cheatin' ass cheater? GTFOH with that.

ThinkLikeRiley · 3 months ago

Long time lurker - Blog Fight in perfect BougieLand? LMAO! Ladies - no it's not your fault if your man cheats but you can be a contributing factor now either you live with it, reconcile and take him back or you don't and everybody moves the hell on. The Gayness (NTTAWWT) is something different, don't see how you can mess with that. Point blank, chances are your men will find someone else while you are still sipping Appletinis crying about it.

DatDudeinCali · 3 months ago

Bob and weave, bruh. Bob and weave.

BB Waite · 3 months ago

Riley, say what now? Are you telling ladies to forgive their men because they won't get another one? Please STFU!

Velinda Miller · 3 months ago

I agree, no trust = no relationship.

Velinda Miller · 3 months ago

The single one has the gaydar going off, and I say if there's no ring, kick him to the curb, pronto.

Velinda Miller · 3 months ago

Dude, I might have to say I'd rather it be another woman. No mind you I have stipulations, if you're going to step out she better be better then me, cuz if you leave a Lexus for a Neon, I'm a be ticked. Totally switching teams on me, whoa, I can't phathom that, was I that bad? or was I too good? Either way switching teams makes the head swirl.

BB Waite · 3 months ago

LOL Velinda - Leaving the Lexus for the Neon - true dat!

The Lady · 3 months ago

Tanya-you have to ask your man the hard quetions you have to have the answers to-your health depends on it.  Now Jerry may be Jerry or could be Janice, either way it's unacceptable!  Don't allow him to dodge the question or turn it around on you.  You want answers and just the facts.  From that you should know what you have to do. 

Raine-you've missed your calling as a police detective.  ;)   Seriously though, if your free time is spent playing eye-spy and not getting massages, shopping, etc. there is a problem.  He could be distant because of his mother's failing health, but that does NOT excuse the mysterious credit card or new numbers on the phone.  I'm actually surprised you haven't called the number from his phone while he's in the shower and see what kind of greeting you get.  (Not giving you any ideas)  You too need to sit your hubby down and have a serious conversation where he is not allowed to dodge the questions.  You'll know if he's lying. Your sanity, gas money and health depend on it. 

I may catch heat for this, but there are boundaries in every relationship, even marriage.  Cheating is dangerous these days for many reasons that we all are aware of and the risk exists whether you're married, dating or are just casual.  NO MAN/WOMAN IS WORTH DYING FOR!  Preventable terminal/longterm/recurring illnesses are not bougie!

To both ladies-whatever you do DO NOT DOUBT YOURSELF OR YOUR INSTINCTS, I have found that they are rarely wrong.    And let's not forget that any relationship that reduces your self esteem and self worth is not worth continuing.

PrettyGirlTwentyPearls · 3 months ago

There is such a thing as God given intuition. Both of the situations these ladies are involoved in are ridiculous and not worth the time or energy these women are expending. If there is smoke there is fire period, and if a woman feels so strongly that something is awry in her relationship to the point that they need to write in for advice, then the best bet is to move on. To Thine Own Self Be True!

AllHoney · 3 months ago

Tanya - you know what you know. Don't let these men have you doubting that instinct.
Raine, come on now - not your first time at the dance. Money missing too? Did you even need to ask?

Rob · 3 months ago

So if you take the gay outta the pic, none of ya'll would give a brother a second chance or the benefit of the doubt?

Suzie · 3 months ago

Hey, lurker for months. Latinas love the bouge, too! I had a similar situation to Tanya and I walked (sprinted!) away. Now he is very ride the rainbow. NTTA... 8-)  I think a woman always knows when something is not right.

Kiki · 3 months ago

Riley - come on! iCan't with you. Chances are we'll be moving on and you'll be hitting up with the TapBack call OneChele talked about Monday.

Citizen Ojo · 3 months ago

This is a rough crowd!!!  You went from giving advice to fighting over who is at fault.  Sometimes you can have all the intuition in the world but when you invest time in someone you want it to work out.  We aren't getting any younger.  Everyday a man or a woman spends in a relationship is another day that they could be doing something else...reading, writing, doing taxes.  So people get wrapped up in the time.  Notice when things fall apart women usually say "I spent all that time" "I gave all my time".  It's like an investment and the person wants to get the best out of it.  If you were in a 2 year relationship that went bust...well that was 2 years out of your life that you can't get back.  Think of all the people you could have met during that time.  Now all you have to show for it is some trinkets and sexual memories.  No ring no nothing.  Because in reality..unless marriage isn't for you.  It's always about the ring.  Everybody plays in the superbowl for one, nba championships....you think relationships are any different?

Bougie · 3 months ago

Alright, I'm not married and currently relationship free but .... WTF with being married / getting nothing for 3 months and being okay with it. Not okay.  Plus, Raine appears to know the answer to her question she just doesn't want to believe it.  sigh.....

Jayme C · 3 months ago

I'm going to talk to Tanya and Raine FIRST - Tanya he is doing something with Jerry or Jane, something's up - get out while you can. Raine - I gotta be blunt, damn all the excuses, credits card and clean clothes. Like OneChele said, if you gotta go Horatio Caine on your man - is it worth it? Eight years of marriage not withstanding, you gotta decide what kind of relationship you're in. 

Now for all these men who haven't had ish to say and coming all out the woodworks trying to run game about infidelity. A man cheating is on him. The time to "get your woman right" is before you unzip in front of somebody else. Let her know what's missing before you hook up. You can't read our minds and we can't read yours.

bcopher · 3 months ago

As far as I'm concerned, it doesn't matter who he's cheating with? A man or a woman it's wrong, I can't trust you and I'm out the door.

AngelaM · 3 months ago

Rob- He had the benefit of the doubt the FIRST time. Raine said he had a history. You want us to give the benefit of the doubt or play the fool?

OneChele · 3 months ago

WHOA, as Lil Wayne said - Tha Block is HOT! <span style="text-decoration: underline;">Note to self</span>: infidelity is a BougieLand hot button. Let me take a moment to thank Ojo, SBM and Damon for contributing. Let me welcome any new folks and thank the former lurkers for speaking out. 

In my opinion, this isn't about fault. That's where a lot of relationships get hung up. The finger pointing and the fault finding. Takes two people to make one and two people to break one. This is about coming to terms with a decision I believe both of these ladies have already made. But ya'll go on ahead and battle it out.

UdontKnowMeLikeDat · 3 months ago

My bougie girlfriend sent me over here to read this blog - let me rep the straight guy. If a woman asks you if you are gay and you aren't immediately responding in the negative, somethings up. Ladies, if your man isn't coming home to you at night that's all you need to know. No forensics needed. Its that simple. oh, nice blog by the way.

JaysDay · 3 months ago

Co-sign with Udont. Stop complicating things, ladies.

Guest · 3 months ago

I think the first guy, Thomas, just sounds like he's found another woman and his 'boy' is running cover for him. Oprah really did a disservice to Black women with that DL crap. Anyway it really shouldn't matter if he's cheating with a man or a woman. If he's cheating then he's cheating period. The question is what is Tanya going to do?

Liselle · 3 months ago

I draw a line in the sand on cheating. If I even suspect it, I'm out.

Troy · 3 months ago

Wow that's harsh.

OneChele · 3 months ago

Oh Riley, BougieLand is not perfect... we just aspire to be. ;)

OneChele · 3 months ago

Thank you UdontKnow and thank your bougie girlfriend.

natural nubian · 3 months ago

troy, u suspect.  your last sentence ("he's going to go ahead and make that decision")...exactly, the man is CHOOSING to dip out on his girl.  so your idea of any woman pushing a man to cheat is, to be frank, juvenile.  are you not in contol of your own actions?  real men just end it and move on.  lil boys still like to keep their toys close by while they indicisively try to stay entertained by both [women].

Guest · 3 months ago

First time here. TMCY responded with some sanity, Ojo is a little off, SBM kinda radical and all about the "smashing", OneChele LOL with the "you can't ride the rainbow and ride me"

The Lady · 3 months ago

It's important to remember that just as you wouldn't hold onto an investment that was rapidly losing value (think real estate or stock market tanking quicker than I type this sentence), you shouldn't hold onto a relationship that's toxic, rapidly losing value or has you acting COMPLETELY out of character.  I know that some women dream of the ring and the dress, and to them I say buy yourself a beautiful dress and a ring.  Marriage is about so much more than a ring and dress, and any woman in the position of these 2 women are better off with their self esteem/self respect, than a ring you eventually have made into earrings and a dress that collects dust in your basement. Don't be the investor who holds onto a stock that's in freefall waiting on it to rebound, and in the end all you have to show for it are losses and regret.  Sell the stock (kick homie to the crub) and use what you have left to invest in your next relationship or yourself.

true2me · 3 months ago

Im going to tell yall the only way I was goin to find out my man of 2 years was cheating..I CHECKED THE INFO. I would have NEVER known had i not checked him out. How could I have, the girl was living in Cali (im on the east coast)

Just like the Ashanti song, he left the sidekick on the nightstand and I read everything he did and everything he said.

I remember prior to that I specifically asked him who the girl was and why she always contacted him. He said "Oh she lives in cali..someone i met in the military". He got a DVD in the mail that said Happy 6 mos and again lied and said that was to 6 months of good friendship. The lies are too many to go on. I was convinced I was being paranoid and that it was damaging our relationship..so I fell back.

Only when I saw the emails and letters and naked pics did I find the truth. I called her and we had a long nice talk about his indescretions.

Sometimes you gotta be That chick..FTW on that one....

SBChiTownChick · 3 months ago

OKAY! Let me set my bouge aside for a second - Yes - bruthas gone all undercover with the cheating, we gotta fight fire with fire. Oh I'm supposed to fall back while you are running around the country with random broad? not gonna happen. Best bet, don't do anything to make me suspicious. Better yet - DON'T CHEAT! I will check your cell phone, trust and believe.

Troy · 3 months ago

So now I'm a little boy for calling a woman out? I'm not saying a man should cheat. I'm saying there are things a woman can do to make him less likely to chat.

JaneknowsJane · 3 months ago

what is with the cheating anyway? If you want out, just go.

AngelaM · 3 months ago

Heard of that expression, having your cake and eating it too? <--- made up for men

Geoff · 3 months ago

People started to take these comments real personally. To Raine - "history of creep" is nuff said. Tanya - whether he's gay or not, you are obviously unhappy. Nothing legal keeping you there, get out.

Reads4Pleasure · 3 months ago

no you didn't say "ride the rainbow"! I.am.weak!

Jaycee · 3 months ago

Wow, ya'll went all in today. I have only had to be Junior Detective once, but I never will again. Next time I'll see it coming and cut it off at the pass.

glamah · 3 months ago

I always believe in followinf that nagging feeling in your gut. Intuition doesnt lie.

Amy is here · 3 months ago

This is true glamah! You have to get to a point where you trust your own judgment

Phenomenal · 3 months ago

Co-sign!  If I don't get any for 3 days, I start giving the side-eye (j/k)!

Guest · 3 months ago

@ Cali chick who thinks her man is gay.  Trust your gut, it will never steer you wrong.  I went through a similar situation a few weeks ago.  I ask any man I date straight up, do you or have you ever had sexual relations with a man.  My intent is to provide an open dialogue where you dont feel like you have to lie to me.  This guy still chose to be deceptive, but the truth came out slowly.  You cant trust people these days, people just dont care....Always TRUST YOUR GUT.

Velinda Miller · 3 months ago

BRAVO! BRAVO! I am with you. No one can read minds, so lay your cards on the table and lets work it out. If it can't be worked out, shake hands, cry tears and move on baby, move on.